Sometimes we can spend years without living at all, and suddenly
our whole life is concentrated in a single instant. Oscar Wilde
is the first time in many years that I remember a year out almost exclusively smiles. It is also the first time (and three to 31 December), to reread some posts written here is so significant. Just a year ago pleaded that 2009 was the year of change, of not being in the same place. And I'm not, even though you are writing this in the same room that I occupied for ten years. From this year I managed to get rid of a burden that I had in the most incredible depression. There was an ordinary day where I feel completely happy. The problem stems now I see as the protagonist of "The package" with all that time asleep and woke all my alrederdor are changed and very different lives. Perhaps in this lies I do not feel in the same line that my friends from college or high school. See their relationship lords and routines of adult-contemporary oficinistos me trauma. Guys, have the following decade for such protocols and boredom. I'm not going to waste a day, flogging nonsense insights unnecessary.
year when I feel I'm back to being me. The year of liberty.
Not everything is bright and positive. I still feel an unhealthy anger toward me for the wasted years stupidly stupid actions, stupid decisions, stupid reasons, "I hope it is diluted in 2010.
This year I faced a professional challenge that I looked stunning. It was my Goliath. Today I can say: "Test passed!" and I say with the big mouth full of confidence and pride.
I get along better with my parents and I talked to them more than other times. I went into the realization that one day no longer be, and when that time comes I do not feel that was not enough with them. They are the loves of my life, though we have diametrically opposed ideas.
I left my comfort zone all the ways you can interpret it. The following is shake the fear that prevails before the horizon of the unknown.
MOMENTS OF 2009
-in strict random-
take note. Receipt mail. Calls. "Do not fuck with, I can not do this. One night in March I talk with a friend and decided to return in my steps, no risk. Hours later, someone speaks to me in the messenger and not many words that I can not convince me. It can. Failed.
A Aurrera. I'm so nervous I can not open a refrigerator ... I look for the handle between the hinges. He does it for me and laughs at my stupidity. Sounds cumbia music and dance in the line of the box, now I make fun of his clumsiness. The cashier sees us with disapproval and envy, we held hands and kissed. We buy bottled water, gum. We talked about a trip. Well, two. Then comes the perfect kiss. There is no past, perhaps no future. No grudges, no double messages, no doubts. There certainties. But though brief, are the best I've experienced.
I leave my house. I see the phone, I know that although I warned him not call me to go to tonight's festive event. It was far from being near inseparable. I call the birthday girl and asked how to get "Apúuuurateeeee" he says in his sweet voice. I took a taxi and humming a song, I think it will be a big party and I have really wanted to dance.
He looks as if nothing at my place of work and seeing his face nervously with the forced smile I know that something has earned mothers. He tells me bluntly after fools, when nervous jokes as an infant. After weeks of terror becomes a reality.
the sea. A stifling heat for February. I think of you while watching the ocean and feel the paltry force of a wave hit my right foot decreased. That was the moment when you say goodbye to me forever as a power after traveling vast distances loses its majesty ... but reaches its destination, is celebrating its ordeal. Goodbye, Basave.
The Bus has become a transportation and not hate. I get off and walk home to get Ana and I talk to her to her abreast of developments in the week we hope to her sister, also play with your kitty and a half months. I tell her and she agrees, you should be happy but I'm not so much. Something is not right. Is that ... If you're in an amusement park egg must be beaming with happiness, no?. And I can not even laugh at his jokes. Ironies of life, both went through similar experiences in those days, but unlike me she uses words safer, stronger, more convinced. We left home and took back the Bus. I get a "funny" sms that nothing makes me laugh.
I drink. Estñupido tequilaaa (no, the stupid was I). If there is a drink that gets me drunk very easily is the tequila. I'm at a party, I leave my drunken friends waving my hand and only reached to turn the room to see if they forgot something. I will quote a line of "Love in the Time of Cholera." Gabriel García Márquez, yes, I will refer to the most hated writer and winner of Latin America, JUST to him: "In a moment he revealed the full extent of their delusion, and wondered how he could elevate so long and chimera so similar service in the heart. Florentino tried to say something but Fermina with a gesture stopped him and deleted his life forever. " Found drunk in lucidity.
arrived home and I realize that is one of my favorite places. After talking for hours about everything and nothing fell asleep and only managed to hear the blender neighbor who prepares his morning breakfast college offspring.
At starbucks I hate him and love him. Like hell the damn frappuccino that chain. I sit outside to smoke a cigarette. I have fear. Phobia is a jerk, but finally phobia. I call one of the most trusted people whom I have him much eye-eye, and told him about everything I aquejumbra at that time. So it is wise. By hanging breath and I am relieved to find a procedure that detestable.
I look forward to (and anxiety and fear, but the boniiiiito-and emotion and positive) for 2010, with regard to my personal life. I hope with fear (and disgust and concern and reluctance and fear-of-feiiiíto and courage) to 2010, when it comes to political and economic life of Mexico.